as you could tell from my home page, my name is sonia or kathryn, and i'm a really big pokemon fan!
i'm a 22 year old artist who's really, really into pkmn swsh and pkmn legends za! i'm an avid selfshipper, considering myself a "riako" for both sordward and ivor, in a sense of i'm fucking crazy and those two are like actually my husbands. a lot of my site will be dedicated to me being insane about this, as well as the ship between sordward and sonia. damselshipping is my #1 comfort ship, i identify with sonia a lot and somewhat see her as myself due to us being very similar. i do have a self insert i ship with sonia and i like that pairing a lot, but i've been into damselshipping since before i even made that oc.
i'm someone who has a lot of mental issues: generalised anxiety, severe depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and something admist that cocktail of issues that causes me to experience psychosis. in some ways, how i express myself through my selfshipping is how i cope with that. i always worry because i am the exact type of selfshipper people complain about. sure, i don't do the whole harassing people over sharing a f/o thing, but i'm the person who does take it too seriously, who views it as a real relationship, who will block others who selfship with my husbands and just can't handle it. really though, i don't think there's anything wrong with that so to say. it's very personal to me and helps me get through my life, so i think i have every right to curate my online spaces.
all that to say, i'm not a particularly interesting person outside of that. i'm just someone who wants to share her passions online and to somewhat make it as an artist. it's something that feels a bit hopeless, to be fair. at this point i'm hoping my nsfw alt art acc takes off so i can make enough money to retire early from drawing mid anime porn. in all honesty, i'm someone who's a bit scared of my future as an artist. not even due to ai, just due to my own social inability. networking feels impossible to me, i try, but it doesn't seem to get anywhere.
i can only put it down to somehow people just think i'm weird i'd assume on my main art account mostly bc i [reads off hand] like sordward pokemon. i've been made fun of a fair amount for liking the things i like. media, ships, characters. i'm kind of sick of it at this point. maybe some of it was funny the first couple of times people started treating me like i'm a weird specimen who needs to be observed bc i like the guys from pokemon who have weird haircuts, but i dunno, after a while i just really grew to start resenting that kind of treatment. i'm an artist, and one who's really passionate about what they do, even if it mostly involves me drawing really niche and unpopular characters, and i want to be taken seriously for my work, rather than viewed as a joke. it's honestly kind of hard to get into these feelings without discussing my general gripes with fandom spaces and how they treat people with less usual interests and favourite characters. but at the end of the day, i don't really care that much. i draw what makes me happy, and if people hate me or make fun of me for it then that's their problem, not mine. i'm just here to share my passion. though i'd prefer it if i could do that without people feeling the need to tell me they hate my fav characters ever and want them to die violently. not a good combo w my mental issues!
as for why i decided to make this site, i'm honestly not sure. just at one point years ago i decided it'd be a good way to express myself among worsening mental health issues, and it was. it's not something i have the motivation to update very often anymore, but i wish to get back into it. i like rambling about my feelings and just things i enjoy too, but it's not like anyone really is going to listen if i do. that's where this site comes into play! do i expect anyone to really listen to or care about my ramblings here? not at all. but maybe someday if i'm trying to have some hope, it'll reach someone who will care and will see my passions, and that's the most i could ever ask for.
sorry! this page has been a bit vent-y and pessimistic for an introduction to me, but unfortunately that's just the state of where my brain is at during this moment. i hope that one of the biggest updates i'll be able to give this in the future is that things are better for me.
